Did it follow me?

Come in, sit down, I wish to share one of my funny little lucid dreams. I'll get the fire really moving and then you can watch it amongst the shadows.

So I've decided to become an MMA fighter, and somehow I've convinced Dana White that without any real significant training, and no professional fights, I should get a shot at the big show.

I've been working out and doing some training apparently, and I'm down to about 185, and can cut to 170. So Dana gets his revenge, cuz I'm sure I've tricked him into letting me fight, by placing me against Matt Hughes. Talk about going to get your ass handed to you right?

As a side story to this, someone I knew, but they never had a name, had been training and fighting MMA for years, and they were pissed I got this opportunity. So they followed me to Vegas for the fight.

So big night, I'm ready (Coherent aside, I looked damn good at 185), I'm getting my hands taped, and while I know I'm going out to get my ass kicked in front of millions of people, I'm quite happy about it. I know I've always got a puncher's chance. So out I walk. To, and I swear I picked the music for humor value, Don't Worry, Be Happy. So there I am, whistling away, my cornermen are hanging their heads in shame, the crowd is silent, seeing some goofy looking guy come bopping out to silly music.

So i get to the ring. Hughes' music kicks in, the crowd goes wild. Hell even I'm cheering! I mean this is Matt Hughes, he's a great fighter. Not one of my favs, but still. And I think to myself 'I'm gonna get punched in the face by Matt Hughes! WHEE!' Cripes.

So the fight starts. We trade blows, he hits hard, but nothing that's worrying me. I come in with a striaght kick and catch him, but he moves back well. I follow up with a right hook and he catches a take down. So there we are grappling, and I'm getting owned. But he can't seem to get a clean blow, or a submission to stick. I'm defending really well. Round ends. I'm sure the judges have scored it 10-8 Hughes, but whatever! I just hung with one of the best! YAH ME!

Round two, we come out and I think, 'What the fuck, what's the worst that can happen?' I launch into a super man punch, and it connects! THOK right to the forehead! He stumbles back. I'm momentarily stunned myself, so I follow it with a flying knee! Crack! To the jaw, as we come down, I throw an elbow to his face, and I cut him! But I forget this guy has been hit by bigger and better men. I'm wrapped up, swept, and he's now in my guard. Again I'm defending really well. I can tell Matt is getting really frustrated. He's raining down blows, but I'm deflecting them well and even sneaking in a fist or elbow of my own, plus I'm moving enough to keep him from pinning me to the fence or from getting a better position. Round two is about to close and there is the ref, Mario Yamasaki (The Wopjap! My fav ref) saying 'Get busy Rich or I call the fight.' Ding. End of second round.

Matt is really pissed, he gets up and starts screaming at the ref, like he should have stopped the fight. I bounce up and shrug to Matt, 'Hey if you're tired of kicking my ass, feel free to quit!' I then walk to my corner, looking a little battered but fine. And you know what he does? He quits! He yells at Dana that he hates fighting, doesn't want to do it anymore, and walks out!

So remember the guy who was pissed off about me getting the fight? Well he bounces into the ring and starts stripping down to his boxers. He's yelling at me c'mon let's go. So. We do.

I got a take down. I got past his guard, I got mount. I proceed to rain fists down on this guy's face like it's goin' outta style. I wasn't tired anymore, I just wanted to shut this fucker up. I watched as each blow starts to damage his face. Cuts, welts, swelling, blood flows, nose broken, I feel something crack as I hit his jaw, his head turns sideways, I drop forward and crack an elbow into the side of his head, it bounces. Mario tackles me off of the guy, and I slowly stand up as the doctors rush in. I watch as they check on him and he's seriously hurt. Badly hurt.

I woke up shortly after that. Really really happy.