Why getting older sucks

Come on in, the larder is low, but I do have some smokes for those of you that partake of the demon weed. And despite the harried and expensive few days it has been, I'm quite happy with them overall.

So here is a list of things that suck about getting old:

• Hair sprouting all over the place. In my ears? Seriously?! Like I need more impediments to trying to hear what crazy shit people are saying.
• Hair changing colour. I'm OK with the gray in my beard, even in my hair. People doubt what I say a lot less when I've got the gray beard and sides going. But down there?! Yes, down there. Actually that's where it changed first. Apparently my nuts got old before the rest of me.
• Age-ism. I try really hard not to look at 20-somethings as stupid kids but they keep doing stupid shit and acting like retards so I have no choice but to go 'Stupid kids.' I honestly think I have more respect for teenagers than I do the 20-somethings.
• Longer recovery times. When I was stupid kid (read 20-something) I could drink all night, work all day, do dangerous physical activities, drink and fuck all night and then still wake up after two hours of sleep over two days and wonder what I could get into the next night. Now I work an extra hour at work, and I need to crawl into bed by 9pm. If I don't I'll need a nap the next afternoon or be grouchy. And don't get me started on what happens when I play sports. I think my 15 minutes of football the other weekend which left me winded for a good hour is proof enough I'm not at my peak physical condition.
• New music seems stupid. Lady Gaga? What the fuck? Have we crossed out so many names that baby talk for a skinny, big nosed, flat assed, stupid cunt is used to name her? And don't get me started on what happened to rap.
• Long winded stories about what it was like when I was younger. Like a meg of ram costing fifty bucks! FIFTY BUCKS! And dot matrix printing on long sheets was good enough for us! 2400 baud modems and text based MU* games! None of these fancy web-based, 3D, fully orchestrated monstrosities!
• Forgetfulness. Did I mention the stupid kids? Fucking stupid kids. Retards.

That's aging. And I didn't even get into the free fall of all those tasty meals that have grafted themselves to my various body parts. No one needs to hear about that mess.