So there is a meme. It is the friend zone. Shall I give you an example? Sure I will.
Now generally this refers to the state where two individuals are friends and one wishes to pursue a romantic relationship and the other doesn't want to ruin the friendship. As a further generalization this is one of those cases where a guy is nice to a girl, hoping she'll see his wonderful qualities and just kind of fall onto his dick. And well, to be quite honest, it doesn't exist except in the minds of those who feel somehow they've been 'wronged' by a female.
And there's all kinds of bullshit that goes along with this concept, y'know, guys see women date men who are bad for them, treat them like shit, and we know we treat them better, blah blah blah. And so we make excuses like 'It's because he has money,' or 'must have a big dick to be able to treat her like that.' Stupid shit. Hell I've ever heard a comedian years ago make a statement about how he had a girl who was a friend (This was pre-internet meme overload, hell there was really just usenet, telnet, and email as far as I could tell on the old intertubes) and she dated these horrible guys then complained to him. So he shouts at the audience, 'Here's my advice ladies. Want to stop dating assholes? Then date the guys you complain to about the assholes!'
And I get that. I've had a few instances where a girl I liked was my friend, didn't wanna ruin the friendship, so we never got physical and I watched her date guy after idiot guy. So I understand the HOW and all, what I don't understand is the obsession. The fawning. The fucking idiocy. And while there is a ton of shit I could go on and on about within this entire concept I want to focus on two specific points within the friendzone concept that piss me off and are a clear sign that maybe you as an individual aren't ready to date someone. And they are the reasons FOR being nice, and the inability to understand the dynamic of dating. So let's get this done.
First off, if the whole reason you're ever nice to a girl, any girl, or a specific girl, is to fuck them, then you're a tool. If your only ability to validate your actions is to rate your interactions with a person you're attracted to is through sex, my god man, grow the hell up. While the beginning of a relationship is indeed filled with all kinds of physicality, it is far from being the only thing.
Secondly, there is a great quote floating about all up in the intarwebs that goes 'The friendzone is bullshit, women are not machines where you insert nice coins and sex drops out.' This relates to the first point, because again, sex is not the be all end all. It's just one part. But also it relates to intent and obsession. If a girl is not interested, move on dude. There is no 'one' out there. Trust me on this, and while it is hard to believe as a teenager (Because this is mostly aimed at them) there will be others, lots and lots of others, all over the place. Just open your mind and perceptions up to it.
And really, let's be honest. When a girl is your friend, and let's say you actually do get the guts to make an actual attempt at romantic overtures and she says 'But I don't want to ruin the friendship,' it's really just a nice way to say 'I don't find you attractive in that way.' This is not you being unattractive. This is you being unattractive to THAT GIRL. Again, there are others. Hell, we're on a planet of roughly 7 billion people, and if you live in any decent sized urban area, there is easily hundreds of thousands of women who are there. Even if only a tenth of them find you attractive, that's still somewhere in the range of ten thousand or more. You'll find one, or more. Trust me. MOVE ON.
And this is about that dynamic. See, I teach writing. I teach how to make an effective argument. I teach how to get your point across. And one of the things I see in writing is someone will lay out a bunch of facts, then make a conclusion and won't explain the inter-relation. It's like walking up to someone who has food and saying 'Boy I sure am hungry...' and waiting for them to just hand you over food.
This dynamic is the same in regards to this friendzone bullshit. If you're doing nice things because you're interested and you've never once said to her 'I'm interested in you in a romantic way' then who's fault is it she doesn't see you that way? I mean, cut me loose here folks, but that sounds like it falls squarely on your own toolish head you half-wit. You're not a cute animal, who can get away with jumping playfully at a girl and expect her to lavish attention on you. Because well, one she's not going to date the damn dog or cat or whatever, and you she possibly could. IF and ONLY IF you get the damn thought into your brain to actually DO something about it. And don't be all like 'Let's go for coffee' or 'let's see a movie' and expect her to assume it's a date. Don't be a Leonard Hoffsteader. BE DIRECT. Say 'I want to go for coffee with you to explore the chances of us having a more intimate future.' And if she says no, well great! You now know you can redirect your energies elsewhere. Don't go all mopey and cry over the one girl, or 12 girls, or 100 girls that say no. They won't all say no.*
So guys, knock off this crap. Treat women like humans, not goals, or conquests, or anything else but a human being. Be assertive in your desires. Don't expect it just to 'happen' because it doesn't. And above all else, please please please stop obsessing over the ones who say no, or who want to be your friend but you want more. There's other options.
*Ok, they could all say no. You might be a repulsive chud with a terrible personality and the hygene of a monkey, flinging your feces all over the room. In which case, you have WAY bigger issues to deal with than the friendzone, and that's an entirely different post.
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