Never gone

Come into the den, here just you and me.  Sit down little bear, I need to talk to you.  I would try another way but you seem to never want to listen.  But please hear me out.

I miss you.  The house doesn't seem much of a home without you in it.  I miss your laugh and your impetuousness.  I liked having you around to share meals, chores, and talk.  Even though, I hate to admit it, we haven't talked a lot lately.  I could make excuses, but I miss you, and that's all that needs to be said.

I'm not sure how to take the direction you want your life to go.  I can't say if it's good or bad.  I don't even know if it is.  It feels like you're making a mistake, but maybe that's just because you're not here, immediate and close, where if something goes wrong I can save you, fight for you, shield you from what happens.

Your place will never be gone.  I want you to know that.  You're always wanted.  Yes, there will be conditions, but that only has to do with both our health.  When it comes to my love, there is no conditions.  I love you little bear and I feel the need to scoop you up like you were a little girl again, take you away from whatever bad things are happening in your soul, and cuddle you to my chest, knowing that I have the teeth and strength yet to rend apart any threat to your well being.

But I can't.  And you don't want me to.  And again, I don't know if that's good or bad.  It feels bad because it's not what I would choose for you.  But it's your choice.  I hope you learn the lessons you so desperately want to learn.

I guess what I need to say is that freedom, the freedom we think is waiting just around the corner, is an illusion.  True freedom requires that we care little for the world around us.  And I can't see you doing that.  You love too hard, and you love fiercely.  And I am awed by this.

Please be safe.  I'll always be here when you need or want me.  Just ask.