My Fairy Tale

Come on in, grab some of that wood on your way past the skins.  The fire needs to be stoked, it's so fucking cold.  I'm someone who likes cold, so when I start complaining about it, it's fucking cold.  So a comment from the always wonderful and awe inspiring Cori sparked a memory.  A fairy tale.  You know they never end well right?

I was 19, spending my time in university getting drunk and playing on a ShadowRun MUSH.  That last word is an acronym for Multi-User Shared Hallucination.  And I met this girl.  She was a wonderful girl, full of verve, exciting ideas, great role-player.  So we started talking over the phone.  And we both became infatuated with each other. 

I've looked back at that time and I'd love to cast aspersions on why she chose me, but y'know what, I think we were both at an incredibly low point.  And we clung to each other as we sank.  Fortunately I also think we needed each other, and we created one helluva young woman.  But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.

So summer is coming and I've pretty much skipped out on all my finals.  I'm lost in this bizarre space of complete failure and the depression that comes with it, and a euphoric high from finding this one perfect girl.  And so I did what any irrationally in love teenager would rationally do.  I told her I was going to come visit her for a week.  My mother was aghast, her foster parent was aghast, everyone was ghasting all over the place, but y'know what, they let me go.  They let me gas up my 1975 Dodge Dart, and drive half way across a continent to hook up with some puppy love crush.

And my dad said, 'Well it could be worse.  They could be planning on both coming back together.'

We had a wonderful time together.  We visited with her foster parents, two different sets.  Spent a week at Old Orchard Beach, a wonderful resort town in Maine.  And being teenagers we spent most of our time naked.  My favorite memory of the place is after our second night there.  We haven't come out of the hotel room for about 40 hours or so.  I finally decide, despite my fear of that much water, I have to walk in the ocean. As we are heading down the stairs, an old couple a few doors down from us comes out, and the old woman points, and in a joyous voice exclaims, "Oh that must be that young couple that was making all the -noise-."  She seemed genuinely happy to see young love.  And I certainly wasn't embarrassed. 

As we got to know each other better, biblically as well as life stories, it became apparent she had nothing to do for the summer but sit around in some little podunk town in the hills of Maine.  So I invited her back to the homestead over the summer.  I knew I couldn't pay for my room and board, and I knew the university was going to kick me out, so I had already arranged to go back home for a bit, maybe stay with my grandmother.

I phone home and tell my parents.  And dad says, "Well it could be worse.  He might've asked her to stay for longer than the summer.  Hell he might've asked her to marry him."

As we made plans for our departure, I did just that.  One knee on the floor board of my car, with a thirty dollar gold band, I asked my fairy tale girl to marry me.  She could spend the summer and then we'd work out the arrangements for her to move to Canada permanently.  There was some border problems, but eventually we made that half-continent drive back to Rejayjay.  I got a job with a handyman in a little town, we stayed with Grandma, and I looked for work back in the city.

That didn't last long.  We missed out computer time, and being around each other all the time was already showing out differences.  But the sex was pretty damn good so we had that.

And dad said, "Well it could be worse, she could be pregnant."

I woke up one morning in my room and board place, knowing we were going to get kicked out soon, to find out my girl was with child.  And I was overjoyed.  Dunno how often I've mentioned this, but deep down, I really want to be married, to be with my kids, to just have that not-so-normal family life TV programmed into my brain.

And dad said, "I hope you two are always happy together."

Fast forward some.  We've gotten married in a civil ceremony.  Little Bear is born.  I work as the casino as a dealer with very odd hours, and we live in an attic apartment downtown.  I run some ShadowRun games for friends, who have been incredibly supportive.  We've asked for money from family for the immigration process (I'm sure it's more now, but then it was going to cost about 2 grand) and we fight.  We fight over computer time, we fight about money, we fight about going out, we fight about everything.

There are good times, don't get me wrong.  But it is not good.  And we both know it.  She starts to have online affairs with other people, and I'm getting more and more frustrated with how horrible my life is.  Oh and the folks who own the house and live below us have called social services a few times about noise.

We sit together in our bed one night, and she tells me something that destroys me, and I still remember it to this day.  "I need to leave.  I can't keep lying to you.  I didn't love you in the beginning.  I've come to care for you so much because you're an incredible person, but I don't love you."  And the dashing knight of our fairy tale is defeated by the terrible dragon.  Redcrosse and the three Sans right there in a dinky attic apartment. 

So she took the money that was supposed to go to her immigration process and left.  With the Little Bear.  Who came back to her Daddy.  But that's a story for another time. 

Toss some more wood on the fire would you?  Get the dry stuff though, this wet wood is getting too much smoke in my eyes, making them water.