A funny story again.

So my mind is quite strange. I'm sure that when my friends hear me say 'Oh that reminds me...' they all internally cringe and wonder where my messed up gray matter will wander off to. So come in and sit by the fire because I just got reminded of a funny little happenstance.

So I take someone to the doctor's office. I can't remember who. I'm sitting in the waiting room, and next to me is this little pamphlet holder thingie, and in it is a black pamphlet with big white words on it saying 'Are you at Risk of ED?' This was a few years back mind you, so I think 'What the fuck is ED?!' So I start reading. ED is of course Erectile Dysfunction, and this was around the time that Viagra had first come out, so hey. I read on.

There are five things that greatly influence ED. So I read what they are

1) Smoking. Apparently the blood constriction can cause the Trouser Titan to be a bit ... lethargic. (I think to myself, hmm, ok, check.)

2) Overweight and/or out of shape. Having a poor cardiovascular system leads to ED. Goes to figure right, if you aren't working right, then neither is Mr. Happy. (I again, think to myself, damn yeah. I'm a tub. Ok, check.)

3) High cholesterol. Like smoking, it constricts blood flow, and can EVEN build up around where the blood flows into King Zambula, Master of the Pant Snakes. (Again, check for me I ponder, hmm, better make sure I always take my gemfibrozil, my high cholesterol medication.)

4) High blood pressure. Yep, having high blood pressure again messes with the way that blood flows towards extremities, such as your third leg. (Wow. Ok, I must make sure I keep taking my enalapril, the high blood pressure meds.)

5) Diabetes. If you are a diabetic, who may not be taking good control of their blood sugars, because it's a disease of the blood, it may affect penile performance. (Yeah ok so blood sugar medicines. Right.)

It then hits me. By all rights, I shouldn't even be able to PISS through my wang. It should be a lifeless husk, so depressed and misaligned that it spends it days writing bad poetry lamenting the twist of fate that has attached it to this pathetic body. Long epic poems about the heroic actions it must perform with little or no support from its parent body.

I was five for five. Yet, I can honestly say I have had no problems with my love muscle. If anything I'm somewhat oversexed. I'm horny ALL THE TIME!! I need to strap it down when I'm watching certain shows. While not as quick to react as when I was 18, the smaller but dominant head still makes his will known all on his own.

So the next time one of you starts harassing me about quitting smoking, or getting in better shape, or any of that shit, remember this: I get healthier, so does my libido. And The Trouser Titan might become the Dick Deity and demand tribute and worship!!! It gets any higher and I will be just humping random legs and orifices. And NO ONE will be safe. That's right, NO ONE... possible no thing either. But I don't want to risk that happening.

That's right. I'm unhealthy for the safety of all around me. Deal with it. :)