Come on in, I need some help. We're doing some remodelling, and well, it's far back in the dark. But before we go back there I have some words to say. They're very personal, and will be spoken very softly so you might have to listen up. Oh and this post has little to do with football.
I s'pose anytime that your life changes drastically that it causes a number of feelings, mostly disorientation, but even the dizziness can be exhilarating if you watch it. And I s'pose that at the end of the day what I have to say in the overall scheme of things is little more than the smallest of sounds in a vast universe, but these things, they need to be said.
Goodbye. I wish that those things that hurt you might become like grit in an oyster, and create strengths you never knew. I take with me those memories, lights surrounded by soundsmelltaste, that will always mean so much. The Antakens will be so blessed for it all.
I'm not leaving, I'm just changing. And while there was a point in my life when I wanted our paths to continue together they won't. But again, all things, all connections are one more point on an ever expanding web of creation. Heaven really is too far away for the likes of me.
I had a dream last night that I was coaching, but I was also playing, football. And without a lapse of time I was lined up next to my boys, my linemen, and we all fired off, and while they stopped, the opposing player was no more than smoke who burst into tiny tendrils floating away, and I stepped further down the field, my strides growing because I was growing. I lost my uniform and carried forth my sword. It wrote on the sky in great letters of flaming brilliance, but because of the size of them I was lost from sight, as universe girding giants looked down and read. With a blink I disappeared, and new giants appeared, and they didn't write, instead they walked with each letter, like a Shepperd and showed them to all who would look down at them. Within another two sweeps around the world I watched how the letters had broken into smaller and smaller letters, carried beyond the original bearers, yet the giants shrunk and my boys carried my sword. It was huge, large enough to crush them all under the pommel but they bore it on, grim smiling faces, almost rejoicing in the effort. Because lineman, offensive lineman are always the one who work hardest, do the most and get the least recognition.
So many horrible and bitter things lay under my tongue, and I could spew them out at you, but they wouldn't stand and blaze, instead they would fall to the ground and sputter and spew forth noxious smoke, starting small brush fires through the fields we must occupy, leaving them blackened and poisonous. I could wish you what you have wished on me, and demand the universe step on you in the times as it has stepped on me. Instead I wish you hope. Bitterness has passed, I have no need to claw you and gnaw on the bones of those parts I might sheer off with my anger. I am instead going to do what I do best. Watch and learn from my dreams and smile as I find my path.
I don't say goodbye to send you away, you left the path I was on a long time ago. I say goodbye so that you know I recognize it. My heart just finally caught up to my head.
Anyhow, that's the words. Come help me take down a picture, it's on my phone but around here perspective is kinda wonky and the damn thing is HUGE. Thanks guys. Love you all.
Fuck I could really go for a drink. I think ... I think tomorrow I might try one.
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